Desolate and Death

Friday, July 31, 2009

Whenever i am down,the first part of the therapy would be listening to some depressive black metal and drowning myself in the emotions of solitude.I'm currently on the second part,where i'm playing songs that make you headbang to.Seems my therapy consists mainly of black metal eh?

Cold Void.

This song represents well of my current mood:

Lyrics:

The deadly way out reveals the truest cruelty
and isolates me from reality,
but I'm asking myself: what is reality: a dream?
Everytime I reach this point, I remember dreams that will never be reality.
Taking a bath in razors, entices me as a solution for my endless grief.

The decision draws nearer.

On a transparent way, I float much more away, without any sight.
Am I blind, or am I still alive?
And once again, I only sense the purest absence.
A wound like this, cannot be healed anymore.

I will decide, for the last time.

The courage I've lost long ago - for I'll never feel happiness anew.
In emotions of solitude, the non-presence is my home.my grave.
When the pulse no longer throbs and the last drop of life left my veins,
I become forever paralysed, by this ultimate.Cold Void.

Something to describe for the entire month.To quote from myself,it is not an action,it is an emotion.

Nostalgia.Memoirs of the Past.

Today,an ex schoolmate of mine asked whether i'd be going back to sec sch this sept.It's rather tough to decide,given what happened two years ago and then last year.It was nostalgia all over,and everytime when i reach the month of sept i will seem to remember this.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

To S:

I'm really sorry for last night,i had been a selfish brat and only cared for my feelings and not yours.Apparently,i did not consider the fact that you needed more time.I,on the other hand,was rather rash in my actions,and hence became rather demanding in my requests,asking you that question every now and then.I guess you want to take things slowly,so i respect your decision (:I will continue to wait nonetheless,as long as it doesn't bother you at all.If possible, i hope your attendance for next sat will still be a tbc.Once again,my sincere apologies.

Blogging while waiting for the goddamned internet to work.

@ the previous post,it can be treated as redudant now,since it's more or less resolved.

And speaking of the future,i'm not sure whether i am gonna continue with this.If the next sat is a "no",i think i should just give it up.Obviously,she is hiding from you.A large portion of me wants to give up already.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

In normal circumstances,i won't even give a flying fuck about rants people have towards me.But because of the person and the comments made,i have no choice but to retort a little.

Apparently,you don't like my personality and the way i treat her.That's fine,i can't make you think otherwise.But,do you have the need to treat everything i say,even a random suggestion,with hostility?What the fuck.I don't even have any grudges against you,so why would i insult someone that you so-called have a crush on?I don't even care about your love life at all,thank you very much.I posted in your c-box as a "act-funny" comment,and if you're not damned with that,too bad.Offered solution:delete that post if you want,and move on with life.Kthxbye.

Edit:What the fuck."your first post" meant the post that you were talking about the guy/girl who insulted you.Take a look at the time that i posted my comment in your cbox before posting a rant.And @my previous post,i meant a friend of mine.Thanks for proving to me once again that people judge things without finding out the truth.Now fuck off my site. =D

I will NEVER ever be jealous of anyone who's involved in a band,cos i know darn well i ain't got the talent or the perserverence to be a musician.Tatts and piercing are none of my concern.

It seems that somebody out there is trying to cut off all ties with me.Well,i can't help but say i expected it a long time ago.I was prepared for this to happen,given my past experiences.And sure as hell,it happened again.F-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c.Or to adopt David Walliams' slip of the tongue during the Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2006,"congratu-welldone".

I shan't go on to any disputes we have,as this will get us nowhere.So i shall just make this a small rant of mine and let it go.So should you.

As for the previous post being deleted,it was more or less because i was conveying a message to S,she has read and acknowledged.Though i expected her to respond the way she did yesterday,i couldn't help it but feel a little disappointed.But oh well,as long as it is not a "no",it means there is still tomorrow. (: Delusional me,some may think,but if you look from my perspective,it's rather hard to tell her mind.

Girls are rather complicated creatures,i finally realised.Congratu-welldone again.Heh.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Something i read on facebook today and found it applicable for a certain someone.Hope this person might visit this blog by chance :S

"By hanging onto a previous relationship, how do you expect to move onto a new one? No new bf/gf could possibly hold a candle to your previous one, in your mind, at least. But the truth is, there's a reason why you two broke up and it's probably for the best. It's time for you to keep your past in the past if you have any chance of building a future with someone else."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

New Beginning?

Sorry for being off air for so darn long.Too lazy to blog.

This is just to inform you people that i'm currently labeled as single yet unavailable. (: yes,i've just broken up with her.I don't regret being together with her one single bit,and had we still shared the same feelings towards each other,i'm sure we'd still be together,but alas,fate says no.I don't feel sad,or angry.I feel gratified to have a good girlfriend like her,even though we had ended our short term of relationship.I hope she will return the smile.

Now that i'm done saying my gratitude,now it's time to move on in life.New phase in life,new challenges ahead.A strong will is essential in order to survive in this reality.Moving ahead...